Conclusion

It was Monday night... I was not really in the best of state. Flu and upset stomach. Skipped dinner. Never went to work today and tried to do a bit of work at home. But the medicine makes me drowsy.

Come night, I called her. I felt that based on her character, she would never call to conclude things so I called. She told me that her conclusion would remain as before. I accepted it and I told her of my thoughts. For once at that point of time, I dun feel a bit sad at all but instead I felt strong and confident. I told her that since she dunno what she wants and since I am not the one she felt she would be with, I told her to start thinking of what she really wants.

She said she did try all these years but I told her by not sharing her thoughts and her worries etc, she is trying all in the wrong direction. And me, I do not know of all these things in her mind, like a fool, planned for marriage and booked packages etc. She said she is sorry. I told her that becoz of these, both of us have wasted 4 years of our time. She said her 4 years were not wasted as she learnt a lot from me and in the relationship. Wow... what irony. She said she hope we could be frens again. For now, I told her I juz wan to get back my life that she has taken up for 80% of my last 4 years. It really irony to mention that rite? In the last 4 years, am i juz a tool for her to try out in this relationship, which she eventually think it did not work out. She never bother to share her thoughts with me and when the bubble finally burst, she thanked me for the experience she had. But deep inside my heart, she has already taken a place there. A place that I can never replace with another gal rite now. I told her something that I always say to her, even now, in future years to come - "I really loved u" and with tat, I said my final goodbye. Before I hanged up, I heard her crying. I understand that she really did try and want to make things happen but juz things juz never go as planned. I understand that I finally have to let u go. Ting, thank you for the 4 years of joy and happiness that u have brought me. These are memories I will cherish and keep with me. U will always take up one secret place in my heart, a place so deeply buried in my heart that only I can feel.

All i can say is i need time to heal my wounds. Slowly but gradually I have begin to learn to live my life again. Its definitely not easy, but all I can say is I have finally concluded another chapter in my life. A conclusion that was not what I want but it was an end of another chapter nevertheless. With this I would like to move on to a new chapter, a new phase in my life. Whether or not we will be frens in future or anything at all, let fate decide. For now, I juz wan to start my life anew again.

Argh... enough of talk... my flu is getting worse and i am feeling damn weak... Have to catch up with work tmr, as today really is really a sickening day for me...